Ok folks, this is a tricky topic because it can be discussed on so many levels and depends on so many factors. However, when discussing manners and behaviors, especially with children there are some pretty fundamental factors that ring true regardless of a multitude of factors such as background, upbringing, nationality, etc.
To keep it simple I’m going to give you 3 tips for teaching children good manners and behaviors.
Tip 1: It Starts in the Home
This may go over some of your heads, but do you remember the anti-drug commercials in the 80s with the bad actors yet memorable lines. I still remember the commercial scene so clearly where the parent finds the illegal drugs and confronts the teen and proceeds to ask, “where’d you learn how to do this stuff?!” Then the teen after an awkward pause yells back, “from you alright, I learned it from watching you!”
Now I understand this is a different and perhaps extreme example, but the moral of the story is that children are always watching even if you think you’re hiding your worst behaviors.
Children are essentially sponges of behavior noticing what you say, how you act and even imitating your actions exactly without even knowing why. You are your children’s role model because you’re with them the most.
Scientific and psychological research supports that certain behaviors are actually learned. Even fear of certain stimuli is learned at a young age. This is linked to an evolutionary trait for survival, but research also shows that other behavioral responses to situations such as anger, worry and anxiety, can also be a learned as well.
So again, to drive the point home, there requires some true introspection of the parents if your child is lashing out at school, disrespecting other kids, or even cussing up a storm for attention. Am I blaming you parents? The answer is no, at least not fully. Yet far too often I have parents tell me they don’t know why their kid doesn’t behave, and still half-way during our own conversation they are yelling and swearing at their kids to shut up.
So as obvious as this sounds, the first check box you want to check off is, am I as a parent exemplifying good manners and behaviors? If you are, good job, but you don’t get a pat on the back or a cookie, because you’re actually supposed too in the first place lol.
2) “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are”.
This is an age-old expression yet is still so true today. Whether you’re a child, teen, or adult, we long for social acceptance to some extent. Whether it’s a need to fit in, a need to stand out, a need to belong or a need to find the identity of oneself, we are adjusting our behaviors and even our manners to accommodate that need. Sometimes that results in our children hanging out with the “in crowd” which is actually the “wrong crowd.” Children in this instance will want to dress a certain way because so and so does, or suddenly have the same interests the new group of friends does. And instantly, your child will go from liking peaceful outdoor activities to liking nerf guns and shooting imaginary lasers to get bad guys. In some extreme cases, the bullying mentality begins to sprout and run rampant as kids are still learning boundaries and not thinking about the consequences of their actions. So, parents please keep an eye out for who your child begins to call “friends.”
Tip 3: Monitor what your children are watching on the phone.
Ok this tip may not necessarily apply to everyone but I’m noticing this is becoming a common trend and no one is talking about it.
I’ll be the first to admit, that I have broken down and have given in to the, “can I puhleasse watch, {insert your child’s favorite thing to watch} on your phone. And sometimes when life is so stressful and your newborn is crying, and your child won’t stop asking, you give in because it will actually keep your kid behaved, at least temporarily.
But fair warning, there is still no definitive research what the long-term effects of phones will have on children up until adulthood. I grew up in an era where phones were still plugged into the walls and the latest technology was a pager. Now we live in the information age where fancy gadgets are the norm and information are ready at our fingertips, literally. Everyone and their mama have a smart phone. You can literally look around the room and see a group of people not interacting with each other anymore but instead focused on their phones. And there’s no judgement passed; it simply is the culture we live in.
We don’t have to hate or fear our smart phones, but we must be mindful of how we are using it. It must not be become a new form of parenting, nor a reward or disciplinary system which is also becoming more prevalent today. More importantly, we must be mindful of the information that is being shown on the phone. Remember children are consuming endless amounts of information on or off the phone, so it is the guardians / parent’s responsibility to make sure whatever the child is watching is appropriate. Please be aware that even though at first glance, things may appear to be kid friendly, however, it may actually have predatorial or inappropriate subliminal messages. I didn’t think that was true until a law enforcement official showed me on YouTube that certain individuals were impersonating to be similar kid channels but had very bad intentions to say the least.
These 3 tips are not the end all be all, but at least a start to teaching children good manners and behaviors.
is the founder of Mindful Fountain, a group dedicated to those who practice mindfulness in all walks of life. With well over a decade of experience in the health care industry, he shares his knowledge to empower others, especially the youth, who live in an era of over-medication and technology over-stimulation. As a loving husband and father of 3 children, he hopes to spread his message of mindfulness across the world.
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